Planned Parenting

“Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from him.”

Psalm 127:3

Got your attention didn’t I? No, this is not devotion on birth control. It is actually just a commentary on how I have learned to parent my children over the years. When I was a young mom, with three children under four years old, I was parenting by the seat of my pants. Taking every day as they came and dealing with issues as they arose. I did not have the forethought to plan for tomorrow, much less what the crazy teen years might bring; they were too far in the future to worry about.

Fortunately, I was surrounded by a group of ladies at church who had walked the road I was on prior to me. I saw their children turning into wonderful young people and asked for their advice. One of the best pieces of advice I was ever given was, “if something is not cute at 12 it should not be cute at 2.” I took that to heart and have not allowed my children as toddlers to do many things; setting the bar high so they cannot say, “But you let me do it before.”

I also watched those families in action. What I saw was moms and dads that were “hands on” with their children; so I decided to be that kind of parent. When my children have events, I do everything I can to make sure that I or their dad is there. Sometimes, that means we split up as a family. I believe that all children like having their family support them in activities even when they act like they don’t.

Moms, I challenge you today to begin, if you are not already, to plan how you are parenting your children. God has blessed you with a great treasure. He chose each of your children especially for you.

Malena Rose

March 23, 1998 - September 4, 2000

Today it has been ten years since my daughter Malena died. This ten years has been an incredible journey that I wish I never had to take. At church the Sunday school class I am am part of has been having lessons on being "lonely in a crowd", as a bereaved mother there are times that I am lonely in a crowd more often than can be put into words. Unless you have had a child die you cannot understand what this means.  To sit with other moms and hear them talk about their children who are the age that your daughter would be today and wonder who she would be, would she like to sing or dance or read like her sisters or none of the above. It is very strange.

Then on the other hand I have gained so much since Malena died.  Scott and I made a decision when Malena died that our marriage would not suffer because of her death.  That we would not become a one of the many couples who break up when they lose a child; we did not want that to be her legacy.  My marriage is actually stronger as is my faith in God because I learned that I could not live daily without Him or my husband after her death.  I also learned very quickly what my priorities were after Malena's death.  My husband, my children, my faith all became the center of my life.  What was shocking was the world did not fall apart when my made these things priority; it got better.  Yes, I lost some friends and some family members who want me to move on and checked out but I found a peace that doesn't come from something I could have done on my own.  God has brought beauty from ashes today.

http://malena-rose.memory-of.com/Timeline.aspx