Over the past couple of weeks while browsing on Pinterest I kept seeing cards using the Mixed Bunch, Flower Shop, and Petite Petals sets. I had not bought two of these sets because honestly there was just too many other things on my wish list!
Scott and I are that couple that was told in marriage counseling that our marriage had a 75% chance of failing. After we were told this by our then pastor during marriage counseling we sat down and talked about the things we would do to ensure that our marriage would not be come another statistic. I wish I could say that each of us has been faithful to all of those things but the reality is there is no way that anyone could because you cannot foresee everything that is going to happen over the years. But there are several things that we do in our marriage that are constants and this has helped us remain anchored even in the worst storms.
Realize that marriage is NOT 50/50: I think this is one of the biggest lies we buy into as a culture, that marriage is 50/50 that every thing can be split evenly from household chores, parenting and even finances. Marriage is a partnership but it is not always an equal partnership. There are seasons in life when one spouse has to do more work than the other to keep the marriage healthy. We have experienced this over and over in our marriage. The pendulum has swung in both directions and we have both stepped in and dealt with whatever needed to be done to make things work. Honestly, there have been times when it was 90/10 because one of us had almost nothing to give the other. Our love for each other makes those times worth the work and in the end that reliance on the other to step in and carry you when you cannot carry yourself builds trust. If you cannot rely on your husband (or wife) who can you rely on?
You have to make time for each other: This does not mean you have to have expensive dates every week. Not many people have the time or finances to go to dinner and a movie every week especially once you have a bunch of kids in the house. I once heard a speaker on a radio program say that she gives her husband 10 minutes of undivided attention as soon as he walks into the house after work. She did this even when their kids were toddlers and babies. That 10 minutes helped him to transition from work to home because he had a chance to talk and relax with her. While this has never been something we do consistently, I think it is important to figure out what your spouse needs and give them that time. If your spouse needs 10 minutes after work give them 10 minutes. If they need to have a weekly coffee date, go on a weekly coffee date. Time together doesn't need to be costly, it just needs to be focused time for the two of you.
We put your spouse's needs before our own: I sometimes find this the hardest thing to do in my marriage. At heart I am still that spoiled "baby" of the family who is used to getting what I want. I have found that when I focus on Scott's needs instead of focusing on myself I am much happier. When I am focused on him then he is able to be focused on me because he is not having to think about the needs he has that are not being met. In the beginning this was tricky. We both had no idea how the other wanted to be loved. We did not speak the others love language. There were "points" for trying but each of us felt a little like we were missing something. Then I realized that I was speaking to him in my language and he was doing the same. Honestly, Scott appreciates the fact that I mowed the lawn for him or cooked dinner even if it is hot dogs way more than anything I could ever buy him. If he feels loved because I spent an hour mowing the lawn then I am going to mow the lawn. There is a win-win with this. That hour I spent mowing the lawn frees up almost three hours on the weekend (he takes forever to mow!) that he can spend with me which fills my needs for time with him.
I want to finish with the fact that Christ is the center of our marriage because of this we are the 25%. I have zero doubt that if Scott and I had not made a decision that
Christ would be at the center of our marriage we would be on the other side of that statistic. There is no way we could have survived the ups and downs that is marriage without the love of Christ.
My amazing husband has been traveling a lot over the past month. There are many reasons I hate that he travels so much but I have to admit that one of them is the lack of Magnolia images I have available to color when he is gone.
After a few days of catching up on Dr. Who and resting I told him his Copics were lonely and wanting his company. He happily grabbed my stash of images and went to work on this Tilda. I am always amazed at his coloring considering the only training he had was looking on Pinterest for tips and ideas of what colors to use together.
R20, R22, R24, R29, R39, R59 (Dress)
T1, T2, T4, T6, N10,
Brush S Black (Shoes and Trim)